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Dear Tory Burch, So I paid(*) $50 for your flip-flops and after wearing then for oh, a month, the logo print on the bottom is wearing off. Listen, I know the flip flops themselves cost $1 and the logo is $49, so WTF? I expected better. Dear W, Sleeping through the night at 8 weeks may qualify you for a car(**) as well. I better get saving. Dear Me, You too would get to sleep for 9+ hours if you went to bed when W did. Instead you stay up way too late doing important work on the internet, like reading blogs and snarking at GOMI. And chatting online with people you’ve never met. Dear L, I am so proud of you for doing so awesome at swimming class (it started last weekend, I called). Dear Kim Kardashian, Does anyone believe anything you say anymore? Anyone? Do you even believe it? Who are you? It’s a sad day when I think Scott may just be the most normal person on your show. Dear B, at least you admit when you are not helpful. Also, you always look cute, so that’s a plus. Dear Guy Who Walked Across Niagara Falls, I was so excited to watch you. So excited. And then, after about 5 minutes, I got bored. So so bored. In fact, I compared your walk to watching paint dry. Never for one minute did I think you were in trouble. Next time, make it look harder. Or hold your breathe the whole time. Do something. Dear Vista Print, Thank you so much for sending my 5 x 7 announcements with letter sized envelopes. Yep, those are going to fit in there great! And finally, Dear Vista Print Customer Service Lady, Don’t try and tell me my envelopes were free. They were so not free. If envelopes are free why didn’t you place that order I requested for a million envelopes to be shipped to my house???? Can you tell I’m annoyed?
