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Oh Facebook, you’ve taught me so much over the years. So much that I already knew or never needed to know. Such as…
1). What the weather is like outside. If I never saw another “Wow, it’s hot out.” or “I hate all this rain.” post again, I would love it. I mean considering that the majority of my FB friends live in my general area, I think it’s unnecessary to discuss how hot it is. We all know. It’s hot. You are staying inside wishing you had a pool. Unless all your FB friends are in prison with no access to a window this is unnecessary. And if they don’t even have access to a window, they likely have no access to the internet.
2). What your medical problems are. Oh you have a bladder infection? Wow, thanks for sharing. I was dying to know.
3). What an a-hole your boyfriend / girlfriend is. Listen we all know you aren’t going to break up for real, so save it. Or keep posting about it and then wonder why no one wants to hang out with you guys anymore because we all know exactly how crappy he treats you.
4). What your self-portrait kissy duck face looks like. Who was the first person to make this stupid face? I’m coming for you.
5). How much you hate your job. Good to know. I bet your employer wishes you would just quit instead of posting about it every. single. day.
6). What you are selling. Oh you sell Used Cars, Cheese on a Stick, Some Secret Product You Never Name, Homemade Dog Food, etc. Super. Post about it 50 times a day so I can’t see anything else on my newsfeed. But wait, does anyone actually sell Tupperware? Because I wouldn’t mind you posting about that 50 times a day. It might remind me to buy some.
7). What you got at the 90% off Target clearance. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep at night unless I know you bought 20 Cars II coloring books for $0.29/each.
8). That you are annoyed with fireworks being lit off in your neighborhood. Really? We all are. 4th of July seems to last from say, June 1st to September 1st. I’m so glad they made fireworks legal in Michigan so more idiots can set them off and I can hear about it more.
9). How you can’t sleep. Yep, posting “I can’t sleep” on Facebook at 3am will totally help with that.
and finally
10). That you are married to the best husband in all of the world. That’s amazing that you (and the rest of Facebook) are married to the best man ever. He sure is a busy guy ;).
Oh, and I should mention that I have likely posted about every single one of these things on Facebook at least once. Wait I think I’ve done 6 out of ten of these (#1, #6, #7, #8, #9 and #10). As a matter of fact, I just posted about the fireworks last night. Seriously people. 11pm on a Monday night? It’s not like it’s my neighbors. It’s people that don’t live here that come here because we have tons of empty lots. And the best part is that they leave all their trash all over the place. So considerate. And #7? I totally directed that one towards myself. I’m feeling so snarky today that I’m even snarking on myself.
So what annoys you on Facebook? I think the better question may be if I am so annoyed by everything on Facebook, why am I still on there? Because I just can’t stay away that’s why!
