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Dear U-verse: I received that wireless tv router thing I requested, but did you have to make it so complicated to hook up? Geez. Even B can’t get it to work. And I don’t really understand why, if something is “wireless” you have to hook it up WITH A WIRE to the tv.
Dear L: When you get up in the middle of the night crying and wind up sleeping in my (our – whatever) bed, it’s not the brightest idea to get in my face in the early morning demanding things. Are you new here? Mama doesn’t like that. Also, when you sit two inches from my face and stare at me while I sleep? I don’t like that either.
Dear B, I’m pretty sure L fed WB more than you did last week.
Dear Steam Cleaner: I bet you about died when I got you out yesterday to clean a spot on the carpet that’s been driving me insane. We’ve owned you for years and I had never used you before. Don’t tell your friend Dyson, because still haven’t figured out how to use it.
Dear Things That Are Lost: I hope you are happy that you have added the kids nail clippers to your collection. You already have my credit card and L’s magnifying glass. Isn’t that enough?
Dear WB, Let’s try and not scream the entire time L is at school today. I know you miss him, but come on.
Dear Container Store, Send my orange office stuff already. It’s been weeks since it was suppose to be in stock. I should have just driven to Chicago and picked up what I needed. It certainly would have been quicker.
Dear People Who Use My Referral Links, I love you. No really I do. Blogging is a super fun hobby, but it certainly doesn’t pay my bills. In fact, it costs money. So when I see that someone has bought something under my link or through my ads I just want to come to your house and give you a big hug.
Dear the MTV VMA’s, Thank you for making me feel so old last night. Who the h*ll were half those people?? And who is Kevin Hart? I feel like I should know this? B couldn’t really tell me either.
Dear Delegates of the DNC / RNC, While I admire your commitment to your party, I cannot get past some of these outfits. Oh my! Where do you buy all this tacky red, white and blue gear?? Oh and ABC, why did you show that woman’s Medicaid (?) card on national tv? Her social security number was on full display for the entire live viewing audience. Good call on that one!