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Dear A-Hole Who Tried to Use My Credit Card At Target, Umm you are lucky you didn’t get arrested. You made a fake credit card which happened to have my card number (and a fake name on it) and tried to buy $200+ worth of Target goodies. Hello, did you think this would work?  Because it didn’t.  Target denied you (the system wouldn’t accept the card since the names didn’t match?) and you bolted.  And then my credit card company called me two minutes later asking  if I had just been to Target.  And oddly enough I had.  But not the Target you were at.  Shady f***er.

Dear Weekend, You snuck up on me SO fast I barely knew what was happening.  B gets one day off this week (Columbus Day) and I am all out of sorts.

Dear Snow White & The Huntsman, You are one long movie.   B and I could barely keep our eyes open till the end.  Oh, and why was I so surprised that the apple was poison?  It’s not like I have never read the book or seen the cartoon version of the movie.  Duh.

Dear Me, You know what was a huge mistake?  Buying fake dog p**p (stupid Target dollar spot) and tricking your 4 year-old into thinking one of the dogs p**ped in his bed.  It was totally hysterical, but now, ALL he wants to play is the fake p**p game.  I am laughing writing this, but I can assure you this game gets old fast ;).

Dear L, Please do not ask Santa for trains.  I think you own almost every single train the elves have ever made and it’s getting harder and harder to locate new ones.

Dear WB, You better like trains.  A lot.

Dear Blog Readers, Have you ever had Botox?  Tell me everything.  I clearly need some, but just haven’t made an appointment yet.  Would it be wrong to ask B for botox for Christmas?

Dear U-Verse, Why can’t I just add ONE channel to my line-up instead of having to add 120??  Is there any cable company that just lets you add like HBO?  Just by itself?  If so, I am switching.  ASAP.