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Tiger Woods: Please go back to your old lifestyle. Obviously taking the moral high road just isn’t for you. So just do us all a favor and keep living like were, well, when you were married. I am super tired of watching you suck all over the golf course every weekend.
Oprah: This is old news but it has irked me ever since I heard it. Oprah does not want anyone to use cell phones (to talk on or text) while driving and has pledged not to use her cell phone while driving. Earth to Oprah, you don’t even drive, so this isn’t a sacrifice. Try spending a few hours in the car everyday, all alone in rush hour traffic. You are so out of touch with reality Oprah, it’s not even funny.
Kim Kardashian: So you’ve been broken up with your amazing husband, the love of your life, for what, 5 seconds now and are head over heels in love with Kanye West? Really? It may be because I hate Kanye West, but I think this may be one of your dumbest moves ever. He’s a sore loser. And those KW earrings? Girlfriend, I hope you kept your receipt.
Jessica Simpson: Oh Jessica, you used to be so cute in your Newlywed days. What happened to you? Now you are having GIANT babies with some random ex-football player? Come on. And your nursery? Can’t say I am a fan.
Vicki (Real Housewives of the OC): You are far from a real celebrity, but I feel the need to tell you that the man who is “filling up your love tank” is a creep. He loves your son like he’s his own son and thinks Tamara’s son is the bomb dot com after meeting him for 5 minutes? Umm, okay. Like actually saying “the bomb dot com” in conversation isn’t off enough?? Anyways, ditch this dude Vicki. Don was SO MUCH BETTER.
Britney Spears: Nothing snarky to tell Britney. I love her. During her crazy days and everything!
And finally, John Travolta: No one cares if you are a homosexual. I repeat. No one. I mean, it’s pretty creepy if you did indeed sexually assault a bunch of men (although the stories are so flippin weird I am not sure I buy them). But no one cares if you are gay. Except maybe your wife, although I suspect she knows by now.
Anything you would like to tell a celebrity?? Please share. I am sure they all read my blog (ha,ha).
Oprah drives me bat shit crazy*. The cover of her latest magazine, there’s a picture of her standing beside herself at 21, with a headline something like, “Look better than you did at 21!” Well good grief…if I had Oprah’s money, personal trainers, chefs, and surgeons, of course I’d look a hell of a lot better!
Her book club also always drove me up the wall. Mostly because people just fell over themselves reading these books just because Oprah said they were good. I mean, did you really need Oprah’s approval to realize that Anna Karenina is a classic? (And really…who believes that Oprah actually read these books?)
(*I wonder what the origin of that saying is?)
hahahaha! Love this!
I despise Kanye too. Agree about Jessica being so cute “back in the day” . Vicki….omg, Brooks is WEIRD!!!! He’s either trying too hard or is a conman. I agree about Oprah too….like she knows how it is to drive. Tiger, I have no words.
OK so J.Simp’s nursery has potential…but yeah not so much.
Vicki. you know I thought he was legit at first but after this week, not so much.
And…John is gay?!
ok you really should give Jessica Simpson your card…. Her nursery looks like she went in some ones basement or went to a garage sale which I love but you have way more decorating talent then her… Love your blog by the way