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Dear Michigan State, Thank you for not making that game even close yesterday. I am not quite ready to be stressed out during your games. Maybe next weekend?
Dear Etsy Seller Who Used My Easter Egg Wreath Image As Her Own, Umm, lady stop it. Your “friend” did not give you that image to use. I know this because it’s mine and we are not friends since I do not even know you. What are you going to do if someone orders this wreath? Who will make it?
Dear B, I know you really really really want an old car to restore and while I am not thrilled with the idea I am down with it because you know, I love you. But do you really need two? Just because someone has a 2-for-1 fixer up car sale doesn’t mean you need both.
Dear Half Days, You totally throw me for a loop. I actually need to set an alarm on my phone so I don’t forget to get L. It’s like you are over before you even start.
Dear My Forehead, Do you think we should get Botox? Because I do.
Dear Rob Lowe, Are you seriously 50? I cannot believe that. You are hot. Like hot hot. I hope B looks like you at 50. I have a feeling he just might.
Dear Post Office, I know, I know. I need to come see you. Tomorrow. Please don’t have a line. I am begging you.
Dear Baxter, You stink. No, really you smell. I don’t know what you got into and I don’t know that I want to know, but you are getting a bath today. Like it or not.
Dear Buddy, Stop laughing because you are getting one too.
Dear My Brother, Happy Birthday!!!! I know you read here daily (and leave snarky comments) and won’t say how old you are because that makes me look old too, but have a great day!!!!
Dear Starbucks, Stop e-mailing me. Please. I want a giant caramel flan so badly, but sadly you aren’t “clean”. On the bright side, I am not as crabby as I have been the past few days, so that’s good.